Friday, January 14, 2011

Tanya Teranova

Earlier this week I experienced what was possibly the most disappointing moment in my life. I was delivering pizza and I got a delivery to someone named Tanya Teranova.  Yup, Tanya Teranova.  That is probably the coolest name in the entire world, maybe even the entire galaxy.  Immediately I imagined her with a magical disco ball that floated over her head and followed her around and emitting beams of awesomeness.

 I pointed out to Ali how awesome the name Tanya Teranova was and she completely agreed with me.  She even told me her voice on the phone sounded pretty cute when she called to order.  Of course when I heard that I knew that she would be ridiculously pretty as well as having unicorns and narwhals and magical disco balls following her around.  Because nobody with a name like Tanya Teranova can be just and average looking girl right? Right. Ok, after a couple failed attempts at drawing a really cute girl to show you how I imagined her I realized that my artistic abilities were inadequate. So here's a picture of the future mother of my unborn children, Zooey Deschanel, just to give you an idea. Mmmmm....

So her pizza finished and I set off to deliver it to her, super excited about meeting this ubermensch.  When I approached her apartment I felt a mixture of surprise and disillusionment to see that her apartment was not surrounded by a moat as I had suspected it would be, but I double checked the address and it was right so I went on.  I knocked on the door, but unfortunately it was answered not by Tanya Teranova but by her boyfriend/roommate/butler or some other mere mortal that just happened to be there at the time.

I was very disappointed, but I could see behind him was a girl on a couch, and it must be Tanya Teranova.  He went inside to get a pen to sign for the pizza and my dreams were shattered as I could see clearly that she was nowhere near as awesome as I had expected.

She was just an average person.  She probably just lied about her name when ordering pizza just to trick me into thinking she was really awesome.  Or maybe this person had kidnapped the real Tanya Teranova and had locked her up and was trying to steal her super powers.  Or maybe it was the real Tanya Teranova but she had magically transformed into a normal looking person for most of the time, just to avoid being hunted down by her arch-nemesis, who was probably a bear or an alien or robot or possibly a mix of all of those. Then in dire situations she would run into a phone booth and transform into the real Tanya Teranova.  Either way I felt cheated.

UPDATE: I drew a picture of Tanya's arch-nemesis, the evil bear-alien-robot.

 While I was drawing it I was totally stoked about how awesome it was going to look, but now that its finished and I'm posting it here I realize it looks like something I would have drawn in like 4th grade while not learning my multiplication tables.  I'm sure that if 10-year-old-me were to see it he would be very proud to see that I haven't lost my touch.